When facing difficult or stressful situations, it's easy to react automatically, without thinking, to the situation.   Most often, that automatic reaction is not the best or most helpful one, and can sometimes make the situation worse, or makes us feel worse.  STOPP is a useful acronym to help us remember what to do in such situations.  It can be summed up in a quote from Epictetus who was a Greek-born Roman slave who became a Stoic philosopher in the first century: 

Try not to act merely in the moment. Pull back from the situation. Take a wider view; compose yourself.

Ø      Stop and Step Back (from the situation, in your mind)

o        Don’t act immediately or automatically.  Pause.

Ø      Take a Breath

o        Notice your breath as you breathe in and out.

Ø      Observe

o        What am I thinking and feeling?  What are the words that my mind is saying?  Are the thoughts descriptions or evaluations?  Accurate or inaccurate?  Helpful or unhelpful?  What thinking style am I using (e.g. mindreading, negative filter, thinking the worst)? What metaphor could I use? (mountain, tunnel, playground bully, beach ball, passengers on the bus, thought train)

Ø      Put in some Perspective      

o        See the situation as an outside observer. What would a fly on the wall see?  Is there another way of looking at it?  What would someone else see and make of it?  What advice would I give to someone else? What meaning am I giving this event for me to react in this way?  How important is it right now, and will it be in 6 months?  Is my reaction in proportion to the actual event?

Ø      Play to your Principles and Values

o        Do what works!  Will it be effective and appropriate?  Is it in proportion to the event?  Is it in keeping with my values and principles? What will be the consequences of my action?  What is best for me and most helpful for this situation?

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Adapted from Ciarrochi & Bailey 2008