Colombians I Vs Yobbos, Sunday 14th December, 2003
Author: JC
Score: 3-1
Colombians maintain there place at the top of the table after defeating Yobbos 3-1. Colombians did however leave it late, but in true Manchester United fashion scored 3 times in the last 10 mins to snatch the points.
The victory however was probably deserved in a game which Colombians dominated from the start. The yellows battled hard and created numerous chances but Adrian Gidney was more than a match for Colombian finishing which lacked composure.
It was Yobbos' however who took the lead with a rare foray into the yellows half. After some woeful defending Duncan Fiscin slotted the ball past an on coming Kees Jager. The second half was played in a similar fashion to the first Yobbos packed there 25 an invited Colombian pressure and the tactic nearly worked.
With 10 mins to go the Champions were reduced to 10 men after an outburst from the normally quiet and composed JC. Words to the effect of "Your Fcuking Useless" echoed around FL and an obvious yellow card followed. The reduction in numbers did see Colombians level the match but due to the author sulking in the corner no comment can be passed on this goal!
Colombians then went on to secure the 3 points with a goal a piece from Magpie and Biatch. Colombians remain the team to beat and it will take an almighty effort to dislodge them from there position as the premier side in Guernsey Hockey.
Colombians I Vs Tigers, Saturday 13th December, 2003
Author: Jedi
Score: 3-2
On a wet and windy afternoon, and with 75% of the players nursing sore heads after the seasonal Friday night festivities, one of the most important games of the seasons got under way.
Yes in the way of the almighty Colombians stood the scum that are Trojeavers.
Bolstered by the return of pikey
students
The game started at a quick pace, and not for the first time this season, Colombians conceded an early soft goal.
The shock acted as a sharp wake up call, and after a few choice words from JC and midfield hard man Honey bunny, the Colombians began to realize that, like midget’s in a urinal they were going to have to be on their toes.
Gradually the Colombians began to take control. With all the pressure it was not long before the equalizer came… a dainty through the leg push from our ginger northern whippet Clarice, who continually caused problems with his pace and skills.
From now on, it was all Colombians. The short corners came regularly and Trojeavers became reliant on defensive stalwart Bruce Lee tripping over his untied shoelaces.
The magpie, obviously perturbed by goal scoring competition from Clarice scored a low flick from a short corner to take the lead, but soon ruined his reputation by missing the gayest penalty flick ever performed by a Colombian.
With ten minutes remaining Trojeavers scored a jammy equalizer, but never fear, within a few minutes of the restart good work led to a short corner. With the magpie on a fag break it fell to Jedi to deliver a telling strike, a dribbling miss hit that crawled in with the help of a deflection. YES WAY!!
Colombians I Vs Colombian Youth, Saturday 6th December, 2003
Author: Magpie
Score: 6-1
The first Colombian derby of the year resulted in a strong turn out of second team players for the Youth, keen to have a go at their league leading colleagues. The First team were well aware that the Youth would go out hard and fast from the start, and would be trying harder than in any other game this season to make an impression.
The first good chance of the game did fall to the Youth, a quick break down the right side was well constructed and found Spewing unmarked on the plenty spot. He connected well with his first time effort but only found Jager, who had proclaimed to be seeing it like a beach ball in the warm-up, extending his telescopic leg to divert the shot, much to the disappointment of the gathered crowd.
The 1st team the took control of the midfield, slowing the game down after its frantic start, and maintaining possession in their now accustomed fashion. The first goal came curtsey of Clarice, diving in from the right side and beatings Scooner from a narrow angle. Further goals in the first half from Fish and the Magpie showed the possession that the 1st team had but the Youth still threatened on breaks and disrupted the 1st attacking play with some, er, committed, defending.
During the second half the 1st team started to play direct, with every player seeming intent on skinning the whole opposition before even considering the vague possibility of maybe thinking about contemplating a pass. The Youth chased and harried and forced many mistakes which were capitalised on when the ball broke to the top of the 1st team D. If Jager was seeing it like a beach ball he must have been staring at a nice pair of barely restrained breasts of some beach beauty as the ball bobbled into the far corner of the goal.
The 1st team extended their lead through goals from a shortcorner dragflick by Magpie, another from Clarice and the final goal in the dieing seconds from Abbo, who picked up the rebound after JC had somehow contrived not to score having picked up the ball a yard from goal, with the keeper stranded at the top of the D and just Disco standing on the line hoping not to get it in the bollocks.
Colombians I Vs Yobbos, Saturday 23rd November, 2003
Author: Fish
Score: 2-1
It
seems that every time we play Yobbos it p1sses it down with rain and in
conditions where you'd rather be at home with your slippers on watching little
house on the prairie, it's important to come away with a win. Colombians didn't
disappoint on this occasion.
Yobbos
may have thought that complacency would creep into the Colombian's camp after a
tremendous, world record beating weekend in the CI club championships in Crapaud
land last week, but a good work ethic engrained into our squad, ensured we came
away with all three points. The match was due to be played on FL, however due to
excessive amounts of dribble from adoring female Colombian fans in the corner,
which waterlogged the pitch, we had to jump over the road and play on the MF.
The
game started and the Colombians looked as sprightly as Burmese badger's on
"National No Hunting Burmese Badgers Day" and it wasn't long before
Magpie received the ball from the right hand side, beat 1 or 2 or seven players
(can't remember) and passed the ball square to Fish who was there for an easy
tap in under the body of Afty from a couple of yards. 1-0 Colombians and we're
on our way! The back four looked solid as always and the midfield were tireless,
Damo will have to stop running sooner rather than later for health reasons,
unbelievable energy! The second half started and meant another 35 minutes of
hockey was to come.
A
few changes were made, bringing on Mark Elliot (who most hadn't seen on a hockey
pitch since 1998), Chris D and The Log. An enormous amount of Colombian success
is down the the quality of player we can always pull off the bench and its fair
to say most of our subs like to be pulled off! TJ grabbed our second with a shot
he seemed surprised to go in, however these "stolen goals" are the
Magpie's favourite, "something for nothing" being his family motto.
Yobbos
clawed one back, with an interesting attempt at a kick from the big fella, which
went about 3 inches and allowed them to score, rumours are that Kees was
drinking from 9am on the sat morning till 2am sun morning where he could be seen
in Follies with his trousers on his head trying to drink Smirnoff Ice through
his navel. Clarice decided it would be a good idea to get one of their players
sin binned and therefore provoked one of them into punching him by saying his
mamma looked liked Martin Johnson - job done! On such a miserable day, the sun
once again shone on the Colombians and their dominance of the league continues!
Colombians I Vs Yobbos, Sunday 2nd November, 2003
Author: Beserker
Score: 4-1
After
the impressive and disciplined Colombian 2nd team despatching Beavers
rather easily the first half of this match failed to live up to
the sheer skill, fitness levels and tactical brilliance that the
watching crowd had just experienced, there was as much chance of a
goal being scored as there would be for Trojeavers owning up to committing an
offence in the opposition 'D'.........either that or this reporter had
temporary amnesia after being felled by some idiot undercutting the ball at his
head from 10 yards away.
Following
an inspirational half time team talk from Colombians answer to Winston
Churchill and David Brent all rolled into one, the team in yellow started to
play some decent hockey. Bruce Lee, with laces tied in a double knot
following lessons from JC, broke down the right and fired the ball through a
crowd of players.......and there was Magpie taking time out from pick pocketing
Adie Peacegood and John Bell to deflect the ball into the goal. The
watching fans began to sense a rout may be on the cards and it wasn't long
before Abo went walk-a-bout in Unwantables 'D' and slotted the ball home home.
As the game started to become stretched and Unwantables tackling became dirtier
the Ginger Northern Whippet got in on the action, his first goal came following
his only clean tackle of the match and gave proof that he has finally learnt how
to hit a ball. A short corner re-bound allowed Clarice to notch up his
second of the match and brought the score to 4-0, many on the balcony thought
that a first clean sheet of the season for Lord J may be on the
cards.............enter Reg (fresh from being substituted for a Man U Fan)
and Disco with comments about clean sheets...........ex Colombian Rob Newton
scored with a reverse stick hit that must have bobbled on the way to the goal
before beating Jager.
Colombians I Vs UHC, Saturday 1st November, 2003
Author: The Log
Score: 5-1
Colombians I Vs UHC, Saturday 25th October, 2003
Author: Bruce Lee
Score: 5-1
The mighty Yellows took to the pitch on a sunny Saturday afternoon for only their third league game. Some of us looked a little bemused as the opposition were wearing black as opposed to their customary navy blue strip. It wasn’t long until the first complaint was made to the umpire and we all realised it wasn’t coming from a Scotsman. Could we be playing a different team??
Nothing worth saying about the first half performance. We went into the break 1-0 up thanks to Poopert.
After a rousing team talk from each member of the coaching staff (good to see you back Don) we came out of the blocks hard. Cairns increased the Yellows lead but Phil Ogier pulled one back. Richard Veillard had the best view of how Ogier managed to squeeze the ball passed the towering Jager and two players lying between him and the goal. Many started thinking of a Beavers, I mean Tigers comeback. It wasn’t to be and we soon restored the lead to two goals thanks to Marky Elliot. This was followed by Kitching slipping the ball to TJ to put in the net. There followed a murmur in the crowd questioning what they had just seen. The opposition appeared to want to be anywhere but on the pitch. Several were heard discussing what each other would be wearing that evening.
I made it through the game without being shouted at by Jamie about my laces. (He did manage to shout at me about something else but as I can not remember what that was, I obviously took a lot of notice.) Kev Smith did his best trying to get a red card before leaving the island, Cairns did well increasing his pitch time to approx 10 minutes in any one stint and it was good to hear the booming voice of Terry Isles returning to the sideline to bolster the encouraging shouts of the faithful.
The whistle went bringing Unwantables misery to an end. Final score 5-1. The victory was made all the sweeter when I heard that Man Utd had lost at home to Fulham. Celebrations continued late into the night but one question remained on everyone’s lips – what is pube sex?
Colombians I Vs Tigers, Saturday 18th October, 2003
Author: Hunny Bunny
Score: 3-2
Awaited
Colombians I Vs Tigers, Saturday 27th September 2003
Author: Lord J
Score: 3-3
Here dawns a new
season for the Colombians First team...still fresh from their Glory in the 1st
division & Upton in 2002/3, many people in hockey circles astounded by the pace,
skill and audacious talent in this team, were wondering 'how are they ever going
to be de-throned?' Trojans (being strong and forceful as the name suggested)
decided to concede defeat and merge with the once mighty Beavers, maybe it was
all the talk during the summer of picking your fantasy football teams and trying
to cram as many good players into one team as you can, alas I hear you say the
new 'Guernsey Super Team' has been formed, with a swipe of the claw and a spine
chilling Grrrrrrr Tigers were on the scene!! (Nope no Trojeavers jokes as that
would be petty!!)
Well into the fray we went.....
What an early lead for Trojeavers!?!?!? One of their players fortuitously picking up a rebound at a short corner and with the aid of 3 deflections squeezed one in!
The immense character and resolve of Colombians would have to be called upon here and finally the pressure told on Trojeavers and they gave away a sloppy short corner, excellent injection from JC, stopped with supreme efficiency a finished with aplomb by the Magpie bottom bin...can't ask for more than that. Seriously that stick with a bend it which makes the hook nearly touch the top of the handle makes no difference!!!!
Finally Colombians showed that pace, skill and audacious talent as previously mentioned by over running Trojeavers who looked like they were chasing shadows at this stage. Carey bounding up and down the wing as if attached to a bungee cord, Jedi & Hunny Bunny both solid rock solid, distributing the ball with sharp shooter accuracy! The reformed Character of kebab, now known as slim line lettuce has shed the pounds and provided the penetration around the back!! Poopert & Magpie running the channels in formation, and the back five, Radford, Radford, Chambers, Elston & the mighty Jager were flawless and never looked like being broken down! With back up from the goal scoring maestro Colonel & the world champion at everything Clarice it was no surprise that Colombians scored again! That man Magpie at his poaching best!
Half time provided the rest bite Trojeavers needed but came out with tired legs, and a flowing move epitomising what Colombians are all about resulted in one of the best team goals the Island may ever have seen, with the foreign import Jedi 'Hernan' Cairns remaining forward from the last attack (as he would never have got there otherwise) slotting home with ice cool ease from a series of decisive and penetrative passes!
Clarice provided the team with a much needed injection of pace and the ginger, northern whippet went close with a flighted (probably deflected) lob over the stranded keeper and onto the under side of the bar! But worse still the magpie turned and celebrated the goal as if some one had given him a free copy of the 'Gay Times'!
Seven Minutes to go
and the mighty Colombians were cruising 3-1, then a turn of fortune Trojeavers
came back into the game, it finished 3-3!